I think about my parents…….And now I know why their hair is COMPLETELY white!

Dear Bean,

Another four weeks! Seems like we’re building a pattern here.  I should have learned from the last time……don’t make promises you can’t keep! See, even grown up’s keep making the same mistake over and over again …. In fact, it’s probably more a grown up thing than a kid thing!

Well, you’re anything but the size of a bean now!  I’m 17 weeks pregnant and you my dear are the size of a small melon!  I heard your heart bear last week.  I actually heard your heart beat.  It’s really overwhelming.  Really overwhelming.  Yet, still very, very surreal.  I think I’ve felt you move a few times…..but I’m not sure if it was wind…..I’m still really constipate.  Urgh, and I really perspire now! Before, if I forgot to put on deodorant – no one would ever, ever know, not even me….now, if I don’t……the woman across the street would know! I stink! Also, I’ve been having horrid nightmares L for about a week now.  They are totally related to my daily thought processes, reflections, natural fears and insecurities.  But it’s not nice to have the cinema view mash up every night!  It’s so strange how much I’ve changed recently.  The things I do like now that I never used to, the things I can’t stand that I used to love.  And how reflective I’ve become….the things I remember. The way I used to be.  The things that happened to me and the things that I did.  The mistakes I made and the things that I learned.  I wonder how I can stop you making the same mistakes.  Being hurt by the same kind of people and putting yourself in danger time, after time, after time.  I think about my parents…….And now I know why their hair is COMPLETELY white!

I’m not staying late my little Padme.  I just wanted to touch base since it’s been such a long time.  I do intend in writing again first thing tomorrow.  I  have much to tell you about the last four weeks!

I love you little angel!

Please stay strong….and safe….and don’t go anywhere!

All my love,

Mum xxxxx