I've Seen You!

Dear Bean,

It has certainly been an eventful few weeks since I last wrote!  I followed my urge to be mothered all the way up to bonny Scotland only to discover that I had become a crying bunch of hormones that was completely incapable of processing or organising any kind of information or day trip that involved getting onto more than one bus or visiting more than one member of family in a day. I would end up crying  like a four yr old insisting that I couldn’t handle the ‘pressure’ and your daddy would have to call people to ‘reschedule’ the days ‘plans’. Very funny to look back on, considering it was me who had made all the plans in the first place!  Toward the end of the trip my hormones settled down and I don’t think that I have cried now for at least four days!  My ‘baby brain’ seems to have settled down now, as has my appetite, which is good! At one stage I thought that I had actually evolved into a couch dwelling, cream cake devouring, Jeremy Kyle watching, self loathing day time telly watcher ….. urgh, it was a dark few days. But Alas! I am back to my normal self, well, with additional curves of course, and I actually feel like I may be able to complete my degree in time for summer graduation rather than the winter one.  It will be a very, very tough eight weeks, but I’ve got a sneaky feeling I can do it ;).   Since I conceived you I haven’t been able to sleep solidly through the night and wake up at the crack of dawn every single day,  apparently it’s my body preparing me for having to be awake throughout the night to feed you……I can’t help but think – do I really need a whole nine months prep?!, but at least I’m in good stead to stay awake all night a few times to get all of my work completed.  Standard student practice!  I wonder if you’ll go to university. 

Oh my goodness Bean I’ve seen you!!!!!! Last week I was in severe pain and had to be taken to hospital.  To find out why I was in pain the doctors gave me an ultra sound…….and it turned out that I just needed to go to the toilet, a lot. Yes,   yes, at the moment, I am full of sh*t.  You can stop laughing now.  Before that was discovered however, my womb was scanned to make sure that you were all present and correct…..and there you were… a tiny little circle, the size of a bean, attached to the inside of my womb, your little heart beat flickering away! Needless to say your father and I were completely overwhelmed with relief, joy, wonderment and complete unconditional love for you.  We were both talking yesterday, over my subway birthday breakfast, and affirmed that we wouldn’t change your presence for the world.  We are so happy.  And everything is going to be just fine!

Stay strong and don’t go anywhere,

Lots and Lots of Love,

Mum xxxx